Friday, August 24, 2007
Blah....Blah....Blah
Okay. So it has been a month or so since I have been on here. Go figure right?! I have just been a little busy it seems. I am at a very weird place right now. I like my job....most days. But right now I am so feeling the need for a change. I have been here a little over 5 years now. My boss has been really good to me. And if I was to go somewhere else I would have to learn a whole new job, system, and most of all new people and bosses. I guess my heart's desire is to be at home with Nathan. But I know that is not at all an option at this point in my life. I just feel stuck. I feel like things are never going to be different than what they are right now. But I also know in my heart that this is not true. We are working really hard on trying to do things to the house and get some things accomplished....so I have to work. I mean, I have to work anyways...but with all of our plans and goals I think I will be working until I am 110! haha My hubby is so great about it because he knows where I am coming from and he knows how bad I want to be at home with Nathan...and any other future children we may have. But I guess things just have to fall into place for that to happen. Anyways....sorry this post isn't very chipper!!! :)
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2 comments:
i totally understand where you are coming from! i think i've been like this ever since garrett was born. its hard but you have to preservere (or however you spell that word). I just keep praying that God shows me his will and gives me the strength to be there!
Loveya!
I know you won't believe me, since I AM home with my boys...but I feel just as stuck. I do. I love what I do. Hopefully you know that! But, I find myself still wondering if this is best for us.
How would I be different if I still got the chance to participate in the outside world? How would my boys be different if they didn't have Mommy to baby them all day every day?? This is probably terrible, but I almost miss that moment of excitement we had every evening when I picked Ty up from daycare. Tony's never even known that! He doesn't know life without Mommy...is that healthy??
How much better would our home life be if we didn't have to share our living space with 6 extra kids and all the traffic every day? Is this really the best place for all these kids? How on earth can I live up to the image of what I want so badly to be for all of them?
Just staying home with my kids is certainly not an option for me either. Not at all. And at this point, finding a job outside the home that paid enough is pretty much impossible. So I'm stuck.
And I think there's just something about feeling stuck that bugs us, you know? Maybe we are right where we need to be. But I think, for me anyway, I like to feel like I have options. I don't like the stuck feeling. But I'm here. I'm with you. I'm stuck. And praying for you, girl. :)
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